I found Lexi's papers cleaning up the office. As of May 8th, my Lexi (for those of you with crappy middle names, consider her name was.... Patches... eeww) is going to be 10 years old. She's been in my family for almost 5 years now.
The moment she put her face in my coat on a cold March day in 2009, I fell in love with her. Her long and tangled mane, her kind eye and her prettiness entranced me. I was fast to overlook those crooked legs, those never seen a farrier before hooves, and the whole unbacked thing. That didn't faze me at all.
My first brush of fear came when I watched the former bull rider turned horse whisperer ride her in his round pen. And, saw her buck and give him a good body slam into the sides of the round pen (of course, Reuben being Reuben just pushed himself off the sides and stayed on!). After that, I wondered what I'd gotten myself into and it took a long time to get some modicum of confidence between Lexi and I. But it seemed every time we were moving forward, something else would happen.
Hooves, fractures, hooves, I'd become expert at noticing the slightest hint of unevenness in a horse's stride, the slightest 'off' feeling and the frustration started getting to me. One day, when it was bleak, my Zen master and I took a walk in the woods and we decided it was time for Lexi and I to part company.
But that didn't happen - and, today I think maybe I see why. You see, the undercurrent of anxiety that has ebbed and flowed and coloured my riding has turned into rapids in the spring. So much so that I'm just about jumping out of my own skin when ice falls from the roof of the arena, or a pigeon flutters its wings. And, so, I've decided to go straight back to the beginning. Trust, relaxation, calmness and quiet in hand and lunge work. If she can be calm, then maybe so can I.
And, watching my pretty girl watch me and do her best, I'm falling in love with her all over again. I hope I don't end up being one of those middle-aged parelli ladies who never rides, but, for right now, that's what I am. And, having fun with it.
So, Lexi, you'll get lots of carrots on your birthday. You may not be particularly rideable or athletic, but you are just meant to be in my life.